May 21, 2012

“Do not worry about anything, but pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all he has already done.” Philippians 4:6 New Living

I took this verse as my own last year, tried to make it a part of my heart. By nature I worry a lot, and even though I know God is bigger than my worries, it is a daily sometimes hourly battle of turning my anxieties over to Him. I think too much, and in honesty I see death and destruction around every corner…. My childhood was too unstable to trust in this world for safety. Most days by God’s grace, I am triumphant over my fears, most days this verse as my solid ground to stand on… but today I forgot. I am anxious, change is coming, a massive to do list sits on my kitchen table and weighs on my heart, uncertainty and doubt dance around our plans like always… and instead of prayer, I began to worry. I woke up worried, I ate breakfast worried, I put the TV on and told the kids to be quiet… so I could worry. Not pray, but worry.

Then my mom who is down from MA for a few days called and offered to watch kids. Awesome, a sigh of relief. We pile in our tiny car in the pouring rain and begin the treck to Mima’s house. It is the baby’s nap time, she doesn’t want to be in the car seat, she doesn’t want to be wet. She screams her high pitched scream. Wind shield wipers going at their fastest speed, windshield begins to fog up… four year old talks a mile a minute trying to outtalk his sisters screams! We are on the highway now, total down pour, enough water on the road for hidroplaning, big truck aside of us, another merging in front, another coming up behind our tiny Honda Fit. The baby starts to whale, her bother has a toy she wants. I worry, I panick, I scream!

“Quiet!!!!!! Mommy is trying to drive and you are driving me nuts! Everybody needs to be quiet so I can drive and keep us safe!”

They are quiet… they know nutzo mommy is on the verge of breakdown.

And then I hear my four year old start to pray… I can’t make out all of the words… but his tone is beautiful,  but it’s not out of fear or panic… just a little sweet voice talking to Jesus, and trusting that a great big God is on his side. “ Dear Jesus, thank you for the rain, and please keep us safe, and please help my sister not scream and be so loud. And thank you for Mima, and in your name Lord Jesus, Amen.”

Calm comes over our car. My Jesus heard my sons words and touches my heart profoundly. Do not worry about anything, but instead pray about everything. “Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all he has already done.” The sweet little voice begins to sing “Yes, Jesus Loves me, yes Jesus loves me….” it turns into “Rock a bye baby…” He pauses… ” Why did they make that song like that mommy… the cradle shouldn’t fall on the floor, it should just be on the floor and the baby can rock on the floor. That is silly that they made it a scary song, they should keep the baby safe.”  He is so wise, and so hopeful, and there is so much I can glean from his sweet little heart.

On the way home I see a pile up in the other direction. Traffic stopped, two cars smashed and twisted in the middle of the highway we were driving right before my boys petition.  Death and destruction… this world is not safe. That is not our promise…. But God, God is our hope… our refuge and our strength, our ever present help in danger. My old year knows it, today he reminded me of it in his prayer…. The wind may blow, the cradle may rock, the bow may break… us babies we may fall, but God, God doesn’t fail us, His ever present arms reach out to catch us falling babies, promising to hold us in his grace.

Dear Lord, I give you our summer. Our plans and our dreams, our finances, our travels and our home and our stay.  The boundary lines have fallen for us in pleasant places, thank you that by all means you have called us on an easy and blessed journey thus far. Thank you for 10 faithful summers at the shore. Thank you for provision and protection and your leading in each area of our life. As we venture off once more, we pray Lord for you to go before us, and behind us… guard our children and our families… thank you for making a way of transition this year. Thank you for your faithfulness. Thank you for our brilliant little boy and all of the ways you have blessed him. Please Lord, let his heart know you more and more with each year that passes. Thank you Lord for whoever reads these words, and I pray that they would know your Goodness like you have shown yourself to me.

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